Loss

There have been a number of things swirling about me that I have attempted to grab onto and write. Politics is the course de jour these days: Bush – Kerry – Cheney – Edwards all reach the daily public discourse. Custody battles and the real losers in divorce, or the ravages of office politics all of these cross again and again vying to reach the page.

Then, I was stopped this morning when I received the bittersweet message that my estranged friends’ daughter passed from the pain and sorrow of this life to see her Savior face to face in eternal glory. I would that I could write of the triumphs, struggles, and glorious peace this family faced over the three and a half years of chemo but it is not my right.

Over the last two years I have only been able to follow her struggles from a web page. Her parents, my estranged friends, were part of the group that came to my work to take me for a ‘time-out’. It was their van that pulled up with a police car following behind and told me like a caring family tells the crazy person, the raging drug addict or alcoholic come with us it is for your own good… we care and want what is best for you. With the best motives they all had planned what I would do to keep me from hurting others or myself.

The unfortunate aspect of the whole incident was they never spoke to me as a friend. They never asked my side of the story. They never called after to see if I was struggling. They took a side, my ex-wife’s side and never looked back. I didn’t get in the van to go to my adult ‘time-out’. I took my belongings and went home.

I am not angry or bitter over the loss of friends. I understand the position they took, protect the weak (my ex-wife). I understand they had to struggle with a daughter fighting the ravages of leukemia and an autistic son who didn’t understand why his sister had to hurt. I know part of why they took the stand they did and it is ok. I also know that nothing will ever replace their daughter and for this loss I weep with them.

I saw the husband last month at the hospital, one of my family members had surgery and was recovering on the same floor his daughter was being treated. I went and asked him if he wanted to talk to me because, if not, I could leave. He invited me in and we spoke for a few moments but it seemed strained. As I took my leave I shook the hand of my estranged friend and told him they would be in my prayers.

On Sunday the 15th of August 2004, God called home his daughter and answered many prayers. I weep with the knowledge that one day I will see this sweet girl again in Heaven and I hope this friendship will not have to wait until that day to find restoration. Yet, if that is God’s will I am resigned to it and will look forward to the day we all will be reunited as friends.

The Economics of Law

The legal system today seems to reward those with wealth and punish the poor. The Enron executives and Martha Stewart both received laughable sentences in light of the seriousness of the crimes.

Yes, the O J Simpson trial showed that race was not the determining factor in the verdict of guilty. Orenthal proved for modern Americans that no matter what crime you are charged with if you have enough money you can purchase an acquittal. Do not think that I believe in O J’s innocence or guilt I will share my thoughts on that another time.

The Enron boys ending up with nominal fines and sentences in comparison to the Billions of dollars stolen, thousands of retirement funds dissolved and one state driven to the brink of bankruptcy. Martha received the minimum time served (10 mos) and the maximum fine levied ($30,000) for lying to the government. These punishments show that money even if it is obtained illegally can keep you from serious consequences.

I have used this theory often when handling my own personal legal issues I know that a couple hundred now saves me from years of insurance rate hikes due to various tickets, all for ‘non-moving’ violations. The place that I find the biggest problem with this is in the family court arena.

I watched for years, as my father’s attorney would take to task the various low-cost spineless attorneys hired by my mother. My father’s earnings as a professional engineer allowed him to hire what he considered to be one of the best in the business ‘honorable J. Noble Dagget’. While my mother’s earnings never exceeding $20,000 (including the erratic child support & maintenance assessed by the courts), was not able to afford the benevolent attorney who helped her achieve her initial settlement. Nor was she able to afford much of an attorney after his passing. This led to a series of marginal settlements that never were sufficent to provide for three children as their father flew around the country running his business.

As I went through my divorce, I hired the ‘honorable J. Noble Dagget’ and I realized that he was not the attorney I imagined. He appeared cool under pressure, he manifested all the answers at the perfect time, he looked unbeatable. Yet, when you put Bob Horner against Andy McGaffigan, he will look like Babe Ruth. See: Bob Horner : 4 Home Runs in 1 Game This is how "lawyer Dagget" faired as well against my moms series of Andy McGaffigans.

I see repeatedly as single mothers who do not earn what their former spouses earn are taken to court and lose. They do not get what they need to raise the child in a lifestyle they should be afforded. Many of these women have to struggle to achieve a college degree or to advance in their careers they desperately need to provide for their children.

The ultimate loss though is for the children they live in the middle of this tempest and are often used as pawns by the parents to get back or hurt each other. They are poisoned by one or both parents against the other parent.

Is the mother always in the right? Absolutely not, yet it is proven women do earn significantly less than their male counter-part. It is an economic discrepancy that I believe ads fuel to the fire of the burning tempest that is family law.